
By Yolanda Lau
Sheryl Sandberg’s 2013 book Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead never sat well with me. Sure it was a massive best seller. And at the time, Sandberg was the most admired and most famous woman in tech, and one of the most powerful in American business. Back then, Facebook was well loved and Lean In became a bit of a manifesto for working women.
In Lean In, Sandberg suggests (among other things) that women are leaving the traditional workforce to have children too soon, that female leaders need to simply be more confident, and women should help each other succeed. Lean In circles became a thing. And it felt, to me, like a whole generation of new graduates were being brainwashed into thinking that the problem with inequality had nothing to do with men. Worse, the message of Lean In seemed to be that women needed to act more like men to get ahead.
I had just had my second child and speaking out against the Lean In phenomenon while working for myself didn’t feel right. Having long left the corporate world (was I ever really properly in it?!), I knew I wasn’t Sandberg’s intended audience. But my gut told me Lean In was flat out wrong.
Sandberg’s belief that most companies are benevolent and that the world was meritocratic didn’t align with the world as I knew it. And the message that that women and their self-doubt was the real problem? B*#%sh$@. I’ve always thought that the real problem was the bro-culture. Over-confident, shamelessly self-promoting bro-culture — which led to catastrophic problems at Enron and led to the financial crisis of 2008. And to the withdrawn IPO of WeWork.
And what about women’s strengths? Our ability to connect with people. Our preference (whether natural or nurtured) for consensus building. Our instinct for taking responsibility. Couldn’t our strengths be harnessed to help us all get ahead, without losing ourselves? What about discussing how insecure men are intimidated by smart women (and the side effects of that cultural problem)?
Or as Tina Brown wrote in the NYTimes, “Salvation doesn’t lie in pursuing traditional male paths of ejaculatory self-elevation. In drawing on women’s wisdom without apology and pushing that wisdom forward into positions of power, we can soothe our world and, maybe, even save it.”
Sure Lean In had some insights — I’m not arguing that it didn’t. Yes, women should advocate for themselves (at work and at home). Yes, women should champion their own projects and ideas. Yes, women should negotiate for better salaries and benefits — and do so unapologetically. And yes, for certain women in certain corporate cultures, I’m sure Lean In is inspiring and effective.
But on a whole, it’s a load of crap. It doesn’t work for single mothers, as the premise of Lean In requires supportive, high-earning husbands. It doesn’t work for women of color, who face additional hurdles / challenges. It doesn’t make space for women who have interests outside of work and kids. Even former fan girls have been abandoning the movement and some scientists have started to argue that Leaning In leads to dsyfunctional leadership.
In fact, one of the main findings of the 2018 Women in the Workplace study, produced by McKinsey & Co. and LeanIn.org, was that Leaning In is not the problem. Women had already been leaning in! Women have made clear their desire to advance in the workplace and to achieve gender equality.
It is up to companies to step up.
In the meantime, I’m grateful that Melinda Gates is pouring her time and energy into women’s equality via Equality Can’t Wait (not to mention investing $1 Billion in solving this issue). And until we get to gender equality (both in and out of the workplace), project-based work is a viable alternative for women who want a meaningful, challenging career but also want more out of life. In the long-term, I believe project-based work will continue to be a path to career success and work-life fit, even after companies implement changes to advance more women.
Maybe I’m just being naive, but I’m feeling confident that I’ll see gender equality in my lifetime. After all, the Women in the Workplace report (and many other reports) have clearly presented the business case for diversity. Having women leaders is good for business, good for the economic bottom line.
So throw Lean In out the window. Find your strength. Carve your own path to a fulfilling and successful career.
And let me know what you think we can (and should) be doing today to solve the problem Lean In intended to solve — gender equality in the workplace.

Yolanda Lau is an experienced entrepreneurship consultant, advisor, and Forbes Contributor. She is also an educator, speaker, writer, and non-profit fundraiser.
Since 2010, she has been focused on preparing knowledge workers, educators, and students for the future of work.
Learn more about Yolanda here.